Sometimes I think about how intrinsically human, and flawed I am.
I don’t believe in unconditional love from the human race. From lovers. From parents. From friends. Everything we invest, we expect something in return. Even if we don’t expect it, we yearn for it, wish for it. It isn’t like God’s love when he died for us unconditionally on the cross just to save us. In a way, everything we do, we do for ourselves even if it’s seemingly for others. It may sound harsh but it’s true. People might not admit to this but deep down, humans are always self-serving to a large extent.
The reason why I suddenly thought about this at 11.30 pm on a Sunday night, no less, is that I realise I have some friends who only contact me when they need me – usually a listening ear, usually for comfort, usually to rant when they’re stressed. But when I need someone, run into trouble, am looking for advice, for et cetera, these people just don’t seem to be there. They don’t reply (whatsapp messages) etc, even if they do, it’s usually hours later. Yes, I know they may be busy with their own life and I totally understand. Even I take hours to reply sometimes when I’m out with frineds/ studying/in class. But when there’s a friend in need, I will definitely do my best to reply. WHY? COS I KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE. To feel like shit and to have no one there for you. Which is why I will do my outmost best to reply fast if I can sense their distress. And the sad thing is? I’m sure they do too. These people whatsapp me constantly when they have troubles with school, lovelife et cetera etc. AND when we’re chatting about THEIR issues, they reply super fast/ have a lot to say. But other than that, they seem to be magically non-existent when their life is smooth-sailing. Sometimes I feel like just ignoring their messages but I feel bad even though I know I don’t have to. Anyway, the whole point of this post is just to remind myself to stop being soft/stupid and to not let my supposed “friends” continue to use me. No matter how long I’ve been friends with them, I’ve decided that friendship is a two way thing from now onwards. If you keep expecting me to be there for you and to keep giving and giving while all you do is TAKE AND TAKE AND TAKE, I’m sorry. I’M NOT SUCH A NICE PERSON. So the next time you need someone to tell your sob story to, good luck finding one, senorita, cuz I ain’t gonna be here. CIAO.
k rant over and I feel much better. Gonna head to bed and I’m sure tomorrow will be a much better day with less disappointments. Breathe Chris, holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let go of the negative things and people in your life.
Nights all X, C.
P.S Don’t know if you still read my blog but Lish, thanks for always being there. Honestly, you’re one of the most patient and selfless people I know. Much more than I could ever hope to be. Really feel so blessed to have known you since years ago and thanks for always being such a constant and dependable person in my life. You give me hope in the human race. (Ha ha ok maybe I’m exaggerating here but you get the drift :p)